The average cost of a wedding in 2009 drops 10.2% over 2008

2009 Wedding Industry spending Numbers

The wedding cost numbers for 2009 are in and they look close to expected. Couples spent $19,581 in 2009 compared to $21,814 in 2008, a 10.2% decline. The average number of guests in 2009 was 128, a decline of 11.7% from 145 in 2008.

Jewelry, gifts, and invitations lead the way for spending decline as couples spent 50.8% less on anklets, 44.1% less on gifts for their parents, and 36.4% less on reception menus.

Musicians, Soloist, or Ensemble, Photographer, and wedding dress top the list of spending increases as couples spent 23.3% more on Musicians, Soloist, or Ensemble, 16% more on a wedding photographer, and 12.6% more on the wedding dress.

2009 Methodology

Survey samples include brides, grooms (pre and post wedding) and wedding vendors. Samples from brides and grooms include multiple ethnicities, income levels, first, second, and third plus marriages, ages 18 to 90, across the entire US in large and small cities. Couples either married in 2009 or spent money for a product or service in 2009 for their 2010 wedding. Total sample size was 3,100 surveys, conducted in 2009. Margin of error: 1.76%. Total wedding cost based on weighted average demand of items included in the wedding.

Info provided by: http://www.TheWeddingReport.com

What are you spending??

2010 Photography and Videography Styles Brides Want Most

Recent results from a photography and videography survey show that 2010 brides and grooms most (57%) interested in black and white shots and least (2%) interested in trashing the dress.

Here is a list of photography and videography styles tracked in the survey from most intersested to least interested.

Source - Shane McMurray - http://www.TheWeddingReport.com

Are you finding this to be the case? 

According to The Wedding Report, the average cost of a wedding unexpectedly increases by 34% from $16,546 in Q2 2009 to $22,121 in Q3 2009. Increased demand and October being the busiest month in 2009 contributed to the increase. Results based on 750 survey samples of brides, grooms, and wedding vendors across the US. Average cost based on weighted average demand.

Top Spending Changes 

Top Demand Changes 

The Wedding Report, Inc.
Website: http://www.TheWeddingReport.com

The rehearsal dinner is the best place to relax right before the wedding.    The name is exactly what the event actually is. It is the dinner after your rehearse the wedding. The dinner is usually held the night before the wedding. The couple and the wedding party will meet at the ceremony location and the officiant will go through the wedding process with them. Afterwards, the rehearsal dinner is held in celebration of the upcoming wedding.

The history of wedding cakes is a long one… The tradition of the bridal - wedding cakes dates back to the Roman era.  Certainly the Romans were not in the habit of baking elaborate or elegant wedding cakes with buttercream icing and custom wedding-cake toppers. Usually they used loaves of wheat bread. The loaf of bread was broken over the heads of the newlyweds to bring them luck and prosperity. Sometimes it was broken only over the bride’s head, usually by the groom.

This history of weding cakes taken from: http://www.cakechannel.com/history-of-wedding-cakes.html

by Dr. H. Wallace Goddard
University of Arkansas 

Love is more than words. It is more than an occasional gift. Love is a commitment to another person that shows itself in our willingness to adapt to and cooperate with another person. It is hard work.

When we are first courting a person we are delighted that someone notices us and cares about us. Every gift is cherished. As the years pass, it requires more than any-old-gift to show genuine love. But, if we have been paying attention, we know more about what is important to our partner. We are better at loving.

Loving is the most rewarding thing a person can do. It is rewarding not only in that it provides us companionship with another person, it is also rewarding because, in the process of coming to understand and work with another person, we become more sensitive, more tender, and more unselfish. It makes us into better humans.

Some people may think that the great evidence of love is the oft-repeated words: “I love you.” But love is more than words. It requires us to notice what is important to our partners. For example, if you were to give a very expensive dog to your partner as a gift, it would only be an effective evidence of love if your partner wanted a dog. For many partners such a gift would be a sign of insensitivity.

People like to be shown love in different ways. These different ways might be thought of as different languages of love. When we really love another person we study what is important to him or her. We customize our messages of love to fit our partner’’s preferences.

One language of love is telling. Some people love to hear words of affection. “I love you.” “I enjoy being with you.” “You mean so much to me.” Some people want to hear such words every day, maybe even several times every day. Yet some people think that words are not enough or not a meaningful demonstration of love.

Another language is showing. Some people want to see love in action. “If you love me, help me around the house.” “If you love me, make time to be with me.” “Show me your love by the way you help with the children.” For some people, actions speak much louder than words.

Another language is touching. Some people love to hug and cuddle. They appreciate a partner who holds his or her hand. They may like to sit close. Physical closeness is important to them.

Most people do not want love in just one language; we all have a combination of languages of love. One may prefer showing with occasional telling. Another may want lots of hugging with regular doses of showing. We may discover another person’’s language of love by noticing how that person shows love, by noticing how that person has preferred to receive love, or by asking what that person enjoys.

There are other powerful languages of love: taking time and showing understanding. These two languages are so important that a separate unit is dedicated to each of them. Since languages of love are also important in our relationships with our children, there are units on that subject in this series.

Gladly accept your partner’s efforts to show you love while sending clear messages about your preferences. Sometimes we become impatient with our partner’’s efforts to show us love. Sometimes our languages are so different from each other that it is hard for either of us to get the message through. We can choose to appreciate our partners'’ best efforts and we can keep trying to be more effective in our own efforts to show love.

Loving takes effort. That is good news! Real love requires a real commitment and it leads to real growth. You can never show love perfectly but you can keep trying. The willingness to keep trying is part of the message of love.

Applications:

As you try to discover how to best show your love for your partner, think over your relationship history. When have you felt closest to each other? When has each of you felt most loved by the other? How can you build such relationship-building time into your relationship now? Discuss this with your partner.

What are the ways that your partner can best show love to you? What are the clearest signs of his or her love? What additional ways would you like your partner to show you love? Let your partner know what your preferences are.

Sometimes we make ourselves unavailable for love to our partner by ignoring or discounting the ways he or she shows love. “He says he loves me but he never shows it.” “If she really cared she would understand my feelings.” If we do not accept our partner’’s best effort we may discourage him or her from trying. What are some ways that your partner tries to show his or her love?

www.strongermarriage.org

Married men usually are healthier than men who are single either by choice or by chance. Researchers who measure both mental and physical health report that married women rank second; they are followed by single women and then single men, said Bill Doherty, professor of family social science, University of Minnesota.

The health-and-happiness benefits attributed to marriage shouldn’t come as a surprise-marriage confers benefits that go beyond what partners bring into the marriage. It’s not just that healthier or more responsible people marry and, therefore, married people are healthier and more responsible. It’s that being married changes people for the better. For example, couples can benefit from strong social support. Knowing that there will be someone in your corner who will be interested in the details of your life can lessen stress levels substantially. Couples also can benefit from bouncing ideas off each other or talking through issues and concerns. They have a support system, ready and waiting, he said.

In a marriage, each partner has a stake in the relationship and its success. It matters if a partner neglects his or her health, suffers through turmoil at work or struggles with a career change. Encouragement extends beyond the ‘nag factor’-couples are less likely to smoke or drink to excess. They also are more likely to schedule regular check-ups and follow through on exercise or other recommendations that will improve their life or health. They may do so as a team or simply provide each other the reminder what’s needed to see that the follow-through occurs.

Couples enjoy economic benefits, too. The possibility of two incomes can buffer job and other stresses and make a more comfortable lifestyle a reality. Nationally, only 11 percent of married couples fall below the poverty line; 50 percent of single-parent households fall into this category, Doherty said.

Undertaking family life as a couple can contribute to a couple’s sense of well being and benefit the family. Children who are raised in a two-parent home where parenting responsibilities are shared usually fare better in life. The couple and their family also can benefit from a larger social circle. Couples usually have friends as individuals and as partners; each partner will have a family of origin and extended family. Their circle of family and friends is wider, so their opportunities are likely to increase, he said.

Since a successful marriage can foster mental and physical health, researchers believe that it also can contribute to a longer, healthier life.

Nancy B. Peterson, Communications Specialist
K-State Research and Extension
Kansas State University

http://utahmarriage.org/htm/facts/marriage-can-be-good-for-health

Now that you’re engaged, the best way to tell everyone is with a party!  Even though engagement parties are optional- it’s still a fun thing to do. If your relatives have not yet met your fiancé an engagement party is a better place for them to meet than at the wedding itself. An engagement party is also a great way for either side of parents to show their support of your upcoming wedding, or it is a great way for you to pitch in to the wedding costs as a couple.

Usually an engagement party will take place within two months after the actual engagement. Of course, if you’re having a particularly long engagement period (a year or more) you may want to wait a couple months before getting your friends and family into the wedding spirit.

Generally for an engagement party you will want to invite only a couple dozen of your closest friends and family. The idea of closest should be taken both ways- you don’t want your aunt to fly in for one little party, so make sure you just invite those people who live close to you or close to the location of the party. Anyone who is left out of this party can receive an engagement announcement if you so wish.

Don’t expect any gifts at this particular party, those will come later. However, it is a good idea to get started on your registry before the party, just in case someone happens to want to get you a gift. Make sure that you do stash away any received gifts until after the party- you don’t want the guests who didn’t bring gifts to feel bad.

Whether you decide to have a party or not, just enjoy your engagement and let everyone know how happy and excited you are.

FREE Wedding Website at: https://www.weddingsoeasy.com/register.php?type=free 

By Victor W. Harris, MS
           
       As you prepare to enter into marriage, you will need to unscramble and negotiate all kinds of issues between you and your partner. Therefore, your first task is to see if you can unscramble the ten most important principles and ideas related to marriage preparation below. You will receive one word from each phrase to get you started. When you are done, click on the number next to the scrambled word or phrase to learn more about how you and your partner can prepare for this exciting event.
           
1.    ehetr stages fo aagmeirr     
2.    marriage ymsht     
3.    marital ttcfaissnaio     
4.    contexts ro mvnreinnote     
5.    nivdiluadi traits     
6.    couple rtsati     
7.    egcahn yourself sfrti     
8.    het eighty-ntteyw erlu     
9.    change ruyo ehtar     
10.    ekes marital phetrya     
           
1.    Three Stages of Marriage: According to researcher and practitioner Jeffrey Larson (2003), most marriages go through at least three general stages of development: (1) romantic love; (2) disillusionment and distraction; and, (3) dissolution, adjustment with resignation, or adjustment with contentment. In the first stage of marriage, according to Larson, couples tend to be so caught up in passion and physical attraction that issues like sacrifice, selfishness, expectations, and crises are not faced or dealt with. When the honeymoon begins to wear off, then these issues begin to influence and impact the relationship. Daily-life stressors and other crises often occur that require sacrifices to be made, selfishness to be checked and given up, and expectations to be discarded or modified. Such disillusionments and distractions can lead to less time spent together, less time spent on the relationship, a reduction in a couple’s sex life, and sexual boredom. When a couple reaches the end of this second stage, according to Larson, they often feel disappointed and unfulfilled. It is then that a couple moves into the third stage with at least three options available to them: (1) They can dissolve the marriage relationship; (2) They can adjust while resigning to the fact that their marriage will not improve and that they will continue to grow apart; or, (3) They can work hard on their relationship and experience growing contentment and satisfaction as tools are gained, issues are worked through and resolved, and increased companionate and altrusitic love are developed with a little romantic love added to the mix. One of the toughest things for men and women to sometimes understand is that as the relationship develops and moves through these stages, intense and passionate love tends to diminish as it moves more fully into these other two styles of love - companionate and altruisitic love. Larson concludes by saying that every couple must make the decision whether or not they will dissolve the relationship, adjust in the relationship with resignation, or adjust in the relationship with growing contentment and satisfaction. His point is that many marriages could adjust with growing contentment and satisfaction if they would commit to recognizing their marriage needs help, become aware of strengths and weaknesses, understand the contexts that influence marital adjustment, gain the tools to improve traits that help or hurt the relationship, and commit to a plan for improving the relationship.
           
2.    Marriage Myths: “Never go to bed angry at your spouse” or, “If my partner and I have a disagreement, our relationship is doomed!” are just two of the many myths that we can dispel before we ever get married. Sometimes, because we are tired and stressed, the best practice is to settle down and to get some needed rest before we deal with the issue the next morning. Other myths, according to Jeffry Larson (2003), include the following:

• “If my spouse loves me, he should instinctively know what I want and need to be happy,”
• “No matter how I behave, my spouse should love me simply because she is my spouse.”
• “I can change my spouse by pointing out his inadequacies, errors, and other flaws.”
• “I must feel better about my partner before I can change my behavior toward him.”
• “Maintaining romantic love is the key to marital happiness over the life-span for most couples.”
• “Marriage should always be a 50-50 partnership.”
• “Marriage can fulfill all of my needs.”(pp. 9-13)

           
3.    Marital Satisfaction: Larson and Holman (1994) have identified three general domains of important predictors of marital quality and stability (Note: Marital quality is defined by these authors as “a subjective evaluation of a couple’s relationship.” Marital stability is defined as “the status of the relationship as intact or nonintact [i.e., separated or divorced]).” These domains are (from least predictive of marital quality and stability to most predictive): background and contextual factors, individual traits and behaviors, and couple interactional processes (i.e., traits). Larson calls these three domains the Marriage Triangle. According to Larson (2003), the Marriage Triangle (see below) highlights these three domains and focuses on the interactions between them.

4.    Contexts or Environments: Contexts and environments are the settings in which individual and couple traits are developed. These influential contexts are placed at the bottom of the Marriage Triangle because they form the foundation of the development of individual and couple interactional traits. Larson (2003) divides these contexts into two general domains - personal contexts and relationship contexts. According to Larson, personal context characteristics include family-of-origin influences, such as the degree of love and unity in the family in which you grew up, the quality of your parents’ marriage, and your degree of autonomy in your family-of-origin. Relationship context refers to the situation or environment in which your relationship currently exists. Examples of relationship context factors include support from in-laws, chronically unresolved marital problems, and stress caused by spending too much time or energy in raising children, dealing with financial problems, and so on. (p. 19)
           
5.    Individual Traits: Individual traits that influence marital satisfaction or dissatisfaction include a person’s personality, attitudes, and skills (Larson, 2003). Larson identifies difficulty coping with stress, dysfunctional beliefs (see Marriage Myths above), excessive impulsiveness (e.g., impulsive spending, obsessive compulsive behaviors, etc.), extreme self-consciousness, excessive anger and hostility, untreated depression, and chronic irritability as the major liabilities toward the achievement of marital satisfaction.
Conversely, Larson identifies extroversion (i.e., sociability), flexibility, good self-esteem, assertiveness, commitment, and an ability to love as the major assets toward the achievement of marital satisfaction.
           
6.    Couple Traits: Couple traits that influence marital satisfaction and dissatisfaction include communication (see Happy Talk: Keep Talking Happy Talk) and conflict resolution skills (see 9 Important Skills for Every Relationship) and several other traits specifically pointed out by Larson (2003) that include the following:
Cohesion - time spent together compared with time spent apart that leads to a perception and feeling of emotional closeness.
Intimacy - the combination of self-disclosure, affection, sexual relations, and cohesion.
Control or power sharing - “the ability to influence another person to go in the direction you want” (p.24). When there is give-and-take and the power and control is equitable and shared, then a feeling of satisfaction generally occurs. When one spouse tends to “exercise too much power or control in decision making”(p. 24), then dissatisfaction can occur.
Consensus - “the degree of agreement you and your partner experience on a variety of marital issues such as proper behavior in public, religious matters, decision making, and displays of affection”(p.25). Similarly, Larson states that “consensus can be realized in one of three ways in marriage:(1) you accept and appreciate that you are already similar,(2) you accept your differences without resentment or despair, or(3) you reach consensus through healthy conflict resolution”(p. 25).
           
7.    Change Yourself First: Douglas A. Abbott (2003) shares three principles that can lead toward greater marital satisfaction: (1) Change your behavior: Change first; (2) Change your attitude; and, (3) Change your heart. He also includes three ways to change ourselves first as follows:
Exercise patience with your partner’s faults and annoying habits. Drop the insistence that he or she must change
Take responsibility to change yourself and improve the relationship. The focus becomes you not your partner. You change first.
Assuming there is good will and love between you and your spouse, your partner may then desire to also change. As you act in loving, forgiving, and benevolent ways, your spouse may reciprocate. (p. 3)
           
8.    The Eighty-Twenty Rule: Dr. Abbott’s (2003) 80-20 rule was developed from a story he read several years ago called “80 percent I love you, 20 percent I hate you.” From this story he concluded, “to avoid overfocusing on the spouse’s negatives, you can train your mind to focus on the positives. Overlook the few small things(20 percent) that you don’t like about your spouse and continually remind yourself of the 80 percent you like”(p.4).
           
9.    Change Your Heart: Dr. Abbott (2003) cites C. Terry Warner in his article who discussed the following about the need to change our hearts in our relationships:
     A Change of Heart - “Without a change of heart whatever we do will carry the smell of manipulative, selfish, or fearful intent, and other people will readily discern it….The self-help movement that began in the latter half of the twentieth century suffers particularly from this flaw, for the personal and interpersonal skills it seeks to cultivate are almost always designed to get us more of what we think we want, rather than to bring about a change of heart” (p. 13). “To the extent that we can come to see others differently, we can undergo a fundamental change, a change in our being, a change of our emotions and attitudes, a change of heart” (p. 46). “We do not control the timing of a change of heart. We make ourselves available for it by faithfully doing the right things for the right reasons; that much does lie within our control” (p. 225). “There is no better means of promoting another person’s change of heart than allowing our own heart to change” (P. 176).
           
10.    Seek Marital Therapy: Most relationships “get stuck” at some point and they need a little help (sometimes a lot of help) to “get unstuck”. Therefore, one of the best ways we can prepare for marriage is to overcome the stigma sometimes associated with seeking marital therapy. Couples who are proactive and who seek therapy early, before their relationship is falling apart, are wise.
           
Abbott, D.A. (2003). Change yourself and change your marriage. Marriage and
        Families, 1, 2-8.
Larson, J.H. (2003). The great marriage tune-up book. San Francisco,
        CA: Jossey-Bass.
Larson, J.H. & Holman, T.B. (1994). Premarital predictors of marital quality and
        stability. Family Relations, 43, 228-237.
Warner, C.T. (2001). Bonds that make us free: Healing our relationships, coming to
        ourselves. Salt Lake City, Utah: Shadow Mountain.

For more great articles visit: www.strongermarriage.org 

There are two main things that you will need to put in your “Wedding Planning” notebook: receipts and general information. If you keep track of these two simple things, your wedding planning will go a lot smoother.

Receipts
The best way to make sure you are staying within your budget is to check your receipts against your original amount in your budget. If you go over on something, plan on spending that much less on something else. If you spend less than planned, feel free to use that money for something else (hint: pampering…). Make sure you reconcile your budget after every purchase to make certain that you don’t go over budget. You should keep all of your receipt in one place so that you can refer back to them if you have questions about what you got or what the price was.

Information
In the beginning of your planning, you will be gathering a lot of different information about vendors in order to pick the one that would be best for you. You do not necessarily need to keep the information on un-chosen vendors; however, it is critical that you keep information about the vendors that you do choose. Make sure you keep brochures, contracts, and everything in between so that whenever you have a question, you will have the answer at your fingertips. You should have separate folders or binder sections for each vendor so that the contracts and such do not get lost between other papers. Also, if you keep all of the contracts and receipts you will be able to know what you owe without having to make an extra phone call to the vendor.

Once the wedding is over you can choose to just throw away the information, or maybe you can use it for a friend who is getting married and needs advice on vendors. Some people like to keep the brochures to put in a wedding scrap book. No matter what you do after the wedding, just make sure you keep track of everything before the wedding. It’s no fun going through a huge stack of receipts after the honeymoon to see how much over (or under) budget you went.

See also Wedding Budget Guidelines & Average Wedding Costs